Dear Amy Winehouse,

You were cool. WERE as in last year. You had the moment to make something of your incredibly slow, torchy vox and you fucking BLEW IT.

If I have to see one ONE more picture of your bald spots, your face scratched off or you in a bikini trying to hold up a pair of trip XS cut-off's, I'll poke my eyes out.

I heard you have Emphasema. Sweet. You should pull out your little throat box and do a collaboration with Mike Patton. He'd get you straightened out.

Ok. SO, there you have it. Get out of my EYES. I can't take it. You haven't produced anything worth listening to in forever. Why are you still singing in public? And fuck you.